


Memory

by emmie96



Category: IT (2019), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bittersweet Ending, Dead Eddie Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Friendship, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, POV First Person, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Romance, Short One Shot, Tragedy, like super short, richie's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 00:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmie96/pseuds/emmie96
Summary: I loved you. I still do. But just like Stan, Georgie, and the other kids that fucking clown killed, you're not coming back.





	Memory

Hey. It's, like, one in the morning. I can't sleep, as usual. How could I? After all the shit I had to go through. Had to watch you go through. You were always so small. Easily grossed out and anxious. Thanks to your mom. Y'know, I'm really starting to regret spending most of the school year inside of her instead of in class with you. Heh, sorry. And y'know, even though at first I forgot everything when I finally left that shit hole Derry, I remember now.

I remember when Billy made us go look for poor Georgie our first day of **summer.** I remember how Bill slowly started to hate that word. I remember when everyone first said what they were afraid of. I remember how I lied. Well, it wasn't the biggest lie. I was scared of clowns. But I was even more scared of someone finding out that I was a "fairy" or whatever bullshit people were constantly spewing back then. What they still say nowadays. Not that you would know. But maybe that's good. The world is going to **shit**! We both know how much you would hate that. But...

Maybe you had actually noticed before any of us. Maybe you had noticed when we were kids. Or y'know, you were manipulated into noticing. Same thing. Still, you seemed pretty happy. And, you always managed to be chuckalicious. And cute. _Cute cute cute. _You would hate it when I called you that. When I called you anything besides your name. Eds, Eduardo, Eddie Spaghetti, cute, the list really does go on. You hated that it did. At least that's what I thought. Bev always told me you secretly loved it. She never told me how she knew. She just kinda knew, I guess. She was a damn expert after all.

You were always looking after me, weren't you? Bev told me that too. It made me feel hopeful, y'know. Even though it could've been purely platonic. I always hoped it wasn't though. I really hoped it wasn't. I always hoped that you were like me. Even though you would have gotten bullied like I did. God-fucking-dammit. I loved you, y'know? I still do. I carved the first letters of our names into that stupid kissing bridge for fuck's sake! But just like Stan, Georgie, and the other kids that fucking clown killed, you're not coming back. I should've known this would happen. I'm so sorry.

I should've seen this coming. Not just because of Bevvy's nightmares. Not just because _I _saw you die just before you saved me. But because I had this feeling when I first saw you again. The feeling that something bad was gonna happen since things were starting to look up. And things did start looking up when we were fucking around in that restaurant. You weren't cute like I remembered you. You were fucking _beautiful_! You were so beautiful that it was unreal. You were still adorably nervous, but snarky and fairly good-natured too. You talked the same. Acted the same. I should have known you would have been taken from me. Not only by some clone of your mother apparently, but by the creature that brought us all together.

Big Bill, Haystack, Bev, Mikey, Stan the Man. IT scarred us. Toughened us. Made me fall in love with you even more, only to take you away. Right in front of my eyes. Right when I thought everything would finally be okay.

I still remember how happy and excited you were when I looked up at you, alive. How...relieved you seemed. And for a second, I swear I saw you leaning down a little closer than someone normally would after their friend was nearly murdered by some floating lights. But then, before I could even begin to warn you about what I'd just seen, you were impaled. And all I could do was breath your name after you whimpered mine. And later, after it was finally over, I came back over to you. But you sat still. Didn't respond like you did when I had patted your cheek after reassuring you of how brave you were. You didn't hug back when I threw my arms around you and held you close. Didn't tell the others you were okay. Didn't tell _me_ you were okay.

I should've told you, while you were dying right in front of me. I should've told you that the love I felt for you when we were kids never really left. I thought it did for a while, but then I saw you again. And just like that, I remembered how much I loved you. God, I should have told you. But now I can't. I should've. You were fucking dying. And still, I couldn't. I just couldn't believe I was about to lose you permanently. Now I regret not telling you. 'Cause you're gone now. Because of me? I don't know. I do know you wouldn't want me to blame myself. I think you straight up told me while I was re-carving our names into the bridge. Maybe it was just the wind. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was you talking to me in the wind. Maybe that's what I want to believe. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe you're finally free. But...maybe you're not. Who knows? But, I do hope that wherever you are now... I just hope that you're so much more than an...**my** unforgotten memory. And I hope that somehow you know that **I'll always love you.**


End file.
